Start your engines! Stop the presses! Circle the wagons! Because we have liftoff, baby! ::ding ding!:: Mike approves. Lightning flashes in the clouds behind the stage. From the floor I tell myself I have seen this all before, but looking around at nervous eyes and phones akimbo, something doesn't quite feel right. Lightning flashes in the clouds behind the stage, closer now. Brighter. I’ve seen comet tails and tracers before - usually summoned by Kuroda’s light and edible postage stamps (USPS delivers) but these lights… I don’t know. Lightning flashes in the clouds… over the stage now. We are told to take cover. Huh, and I thought the mail didn’t come on Sundays. Good thing it's Friday.

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You put your head down. You look back up. An hour has passed.
You put your head down. You look back up. The clock has stopped.

You close your eyes. You open them. But your eyes are still shut.

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

The Bait: Summer 2021 is the best tour since Winter 2003.

Funky: Once in a great while, we are privileged to experience an event so extraordinary, it becomes part of our shared heritage. 1969: Man walks on the moon. 1971: Man walks on the moon…. again. Then for a long time, nothing happened. Until today. n00b and I are proud to finally present: The 17th volume spectacular of Take the Bait! ::crickets chirping:: I said, The 17th volume spectacular of… ahhh forget it...

Before we get started, let’s make one thing abundantly clear: we - verrry apathetically - do not care if you call it 3.0 or 4.0. “But Funky, Trey’s 4.0 guita-” QUIET YOU! “But n00b, they took almost a year and a half of-” YOU SHHMMM! And if any of you nerds nitpick this, well, I’m not sure how to finish that threat, but be warned: I will caustically and needlessly shame you in the comments section - like a mature internet stranger should. And n00b knows how to fire a crossbow! Very good.

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You know it when you see it, but it is still hard to put into words. “It’s real, but, in a different way,” I might say to someone who asks what magic is, “Your eyes and ears say, ‘absolutely,’ while your brain and logic say, ‘that can’t be,’” and neither are correct. Or maybe both are. Magic fills us with a sense of wonder about the world: a sense that beyond the surface of somethings, all things, radiates whole other worlds of timelessness and innocence for us to observe, but only through the right lens.

Logic and rationality no longer seem applicable or appropriate when magic is around. Magic supplants a new reality---a much better one, I will add---to our existence. Phish shows are one such lens that shows us magic is real. Vibrations and light and people come together to form experiences and memories that transcend what daily life is like; for most, at least. And that’s magic. For three hours a night, a handful of nights a year, we can experience magic, and we did tonight.

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

Funky: Geez finally. Sometimes, it takes a while to process greatness, or at least where on the greatness spectrum a thing exists, or doesn’t. In this case, it took almost four months... almost a third of a year is all it took me to be able to simultaneously hum and air guitar all 38-minutes of "Ruby Waves" note for note. Greatness. Who said my only “talent” is the written word? ::crickets:: Well, my mom thinks I’m cool. Now let's get down to what the people really want: ten pages of harcore analysis about one Phish show!

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

Funky: We're back, baby! ::crickets chirping:: Er, uh... ::looks at keyboard:: ...is this thing on? Ahem. Dick's is just a day away and Alpine 3 is sitting atop Mt Icculus, basking in all of its own glory. Rightfully. Deservedly. Sexily. Wait wait wait… you mean to tell me that there was a whole summer tour this year (says, in unison, everyone in the Western Time Zone and those who’ve only heard the words “Alpine" and "Three” 500 times)? Like, multiple shows that didn't happen at Alpine on a Sunday in July?? I mean, were they good shows? Or...

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Alpine.

In the “real world,” alpine holds a different meaning: mountain slopes, evergreens; otherwise peaceful, placid, serene - much like the drive through waving, rolling corn fields and green cow pastures that leads into the venue. But in our world, the other real world, Alpine means something a bit different; fire, energy, the summit, not the slopes. The final three shows of summer tour have led us here, to the fire, to the summit – to Alpine.

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

Funky: Wouldn’t you know it, public internet forums can be a place of knowledge and enlightenment. ...instead of, you know, the usual slander, libel, and childish name-calling. Esteemed phish.net user, and frequent reader/chimer-in-er, @JMart, concocted this thread a couple weeks ago, which led to some great, Phishy discussion about which songs were better, or worse, during the 3.0 years.The forum delivered some fine discussion and debate, which got me thinking - we’ve coyly danced around any actual controversial opinions our last few episodes, casually diving into some forgotten about corners of the Phish world, which few people seemed to care much about, but important pieces of Phish nonetheless. Nerdism aside ::pushes up glasses to nose:: we didn’t really deliver anything too contorversial, neglecting to give the fans what they really want: a reason to use slander, libel, and childish name calling... directed at us! No doubt picking a jam’s best years will result in a slew of digital disgust, so let’s get on with it.

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

Funky: Among the many, many elements of Phish that keep me in awe of them and their music is the sheer greatness and fullness of their sound. It’s not that it’s loud, it engulfs; it’s not produced or prepackaged, it’s fluid and polished; it’s not that it knocks you over with intensity (well, sometimes it does), no, it flows over you with freshness and gusto, even the same song you’ve heard 100 times or more.

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

Funky: Well, n00b, if you know of any two words more polarizing in the Phish lexicon, I’ll put pants on while writing my segments. No, I’ll do it. I’ll do it, n00b. Pants, on.

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

One of few remaining readers: Mexico? ::Sideshow Bob annoyed grunt:: Didn’t those shows suck and, like, were undersold and no one went and the food sucked and one bandmember’s wife got into a fight and stuff and they vowed to never return but they had a contract or something? These TTB guys are really running out of ideas...

Funky: Uhh... woozle wazzle?

One of few remaining readers: Woozle wazzle?? That's what passes for journalism these days?

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

Funky: Well, n00b, Gordo tour is done. March Madness has left most of us in ruin. And the phish.net forum is cannibalizing itself, wondering just when those West Coast dates are going to be announced ::refreshes forum… clenches fists:: Apparently not today, but some dude thinks tomorrow. I’m rolling with that guy. With Phish, like you, I, that guy, and Smooth Jimmy Apollo all know, when you're right 52% of the time, you're wrong 48% of the time!

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

Funky: Well, n00b, we seemed to have escaped certain death after our last episode about Lemonwheel. But I'm feeling lucky - lest we tempt fate further, and share our thoughts on the other festival that happened in 1999. No, not Big Cypress, uhm, what was the other one? Oh... Camp Oswego. Uh-oh. I heard that death doesn't hurt very long, so...

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The margaritas were strong. The enchiladas were spicy. The sand between my toes was… very coarse. Oh wait, that’s cat litter. ::sigh:: Sadly, I’m reviewing this show from Portland, OR. ::bigger sigh:: But don’t worry, I consulted with my friend in Chicago who hung a piñata for authenticity, and I looked at lots of Instagram stories from people who were there – all while wearing a Hawaiian shirt, so I think I got this. Maybe. ::exasperated sigh::

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

Funky: Magnaball, Big Cypress, The Great Went, IT - the big cheeses of in-house Phish’s festival circuit. Oswego, 8, Lemonwheel - the, uh, Ritz crackers of the circuit - they exist in the same universe, and are all good and stuff, but are not spoken about in the same breath. Uh, cheese and crackers, Funky.... Yeah yeah please don’t point out my obvious metaphorical flaws this early. And please don't take away my Tom Robbins metaphorical fan club card. No one wants that, in any reality. They want judgement!!

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

Funky: Well, n00b, we sure did suck the fun out of Japan 2000. I mean, yes there was an all-time show in 6.14.00, and, yes, there were five extremely explorative jams in 6.16 “Runaway Jim,” 6.10 “Piper,” 6.10 “DWD,” 6.9 “Tweezer” and 6.15 “Ghost”… but the rest was pretty average, and, at times, disappointingly out of sync. Of course, I write all this with a healthy dose of envy, as neither of us were there, and going from the responses of a few who did attend (thank you for writing your responses, by the way, we sincerely do love feedback) the shows were extremely memorable, energetic, and downright fun, simply due to the facts that Phish was playing to an excited foreign audience in tiny, intimate venues. And that, the once-in-a-lifetime musical experience that only a couple thousand fans got to witness, undoubtedly, weighs heavier than any of our words written from the friendly confines of the .net HQ ::wipes Cheetos dust off fingers, swigs Mountain Dew::

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

Funky: Perhaps it was just a bit unfair to our readers and listeners to (re)introduce Japanese Phish with an all-time, A+ show in 6.14.00. Perhaps. But, then again, would they have taken the bait ::he said it, he said the thing!:: on our three-part series surrounding Japanese Phish had we not led off with something so scrumtrulescent? By reading that sentence you have proved that we lured you back in, tempting you with more morsels of Japanese Phish, and we are not talking about sushi.

Before 6.14.00 ever happened, four shows preceded it, and after it happened, two more took place. So, the natural questions arise: how did Phish build to such dramatic, yet serene, soundscapes? And, what did they do for the proverbial encore? Answers abound, some of which make sense, some of which make little sense at all. If David Byrne were writing this, he’d simply say, “Stop making sense!” Good point - that’s where we will start.

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

Funky: n00b and I are taking a bye week to prepare for the Phish 2019 Summer Tour Onsale today (Jan 25) and Saturday (Jan 26). May Icculus have mercy on all our souls.

We sincerely appreciate your support and feedback on the series so far, and we plan to unleash more lexicon-building hot takes and vet-enraging fluff in the weeks and months to come. We have a delightful time geeking out on the aspects of Phish hyperbole close to our own hearts, and, hopefully, we can geek out with what's close to yours. If there are any topics that you would like us to cover, please let us know in the comments section. Like Phish, we are the all-request ban... er, writers. You ask, we deliver!

See you next Friday for the second part of our three-part Japan series. And good luck with the onsale! ::grumbles about verified tickets::

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

That's a heck of a title.

Funky: Some Americans can look at a map and point out Japan, all tucked away down there. A small fraction might be able to locate Tokyo. There is a very small population of Americans who are aware that a Japanese city called Fukuoka exists, and an even smaller portion of that population are aware it exists because of one reason, and only one reason: Phish. I would venture a guess that it is known, but perhaps not well-known amongst Phish fans, that Phish journeyed to the Land of the Rising Sun in 1999 and 2000. But, despite all the data and analysis and nitpicking of Phish fans, these three mini tours tend to not be talked about, really at all, save one show: 6.14.00, Drum Logos, Fukuoka, Japan.

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

Funky: Hi, n00b. Happy New Year! Hope it was as clothing-free and fun-requiring as mine. And to you, too, loyal reader, for all the same reasons. It seems we haven’t got the hook yet, so let’s continue to innovate with our gratuitous use of multisyllabic words and with our “artistic freedom” around Phish discussion. I am going to make this TTB be a bit different than our previous three. Let’s break down this past (and excellent) New Year’s Eve run piece-by-piece (and in new, shorter, easier-to-read paragraphs… smaller bites, if you will), shall we? Let us see if the masses, or even each other, see eyeball-to-eyeball on the highlights of December 28th, 29th, 30th, and 31st at the World’s Most Famous Arena. Allow me demonstrate:

The Bait, bite I: What was your favorite jam of the run?

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

The Bait: What was the most impactful singular event of modern era/3.0 Phish (2009-present)?

Funky: The Baker's Dozen. Tahoe Tweezer. Magnaball. Hampton Fluffhead. Chilling Thrilling Sounds of the Haunted House. Kasvot Vaxt. Soul Planet ... obviously. There have been many monumental moments in Phish’s modern era that have had historic musical and emotional consequence. Moments which, as they unfolded, palpably steered Phish and their fans into new, uncharted waters. After all, the ocean is lovKNOCK IT OFF FUNKY! Ahem. These moments led to, or built upon, new jamming trends, in-show soundscapes, and, perhaps, most importantly, improvisational bravery and courage with which Phish had not dared to experiment. The aforementioned volcanic peaks and explosions indeed were monumental achievements in Phish’s modern era that re-shaped the music henceforth. But, I can look back at one moment not yet listed, a moment which might seem lost among today’s heights of Phish, but a moment that I feel changed the course of the band in a way that no other note, jam, or show ever had: Superball’s Ball Square Jam, aka, The Storage Jam.

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation and/or discourse centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… but we're pretty sure we’re right. Probably.]

The Bait: 11/22/97 is one of the truly great shows of Phish’s live oeuvre, and has a reasonable argument to be considered the finest show the band has ever played.

Set 1: Mike's Song -> I am Hydrogen > Weekapaug Groove, Harry Hood > Train Song, Billy Breathes, Frankenstein > Izabella

Set 2: Halley's Comet > Tweezer -> Black Eyed Katy > Piper > Run Like an Antelope

Encore: Bouncing Around the Room > Tweezer Reprise

n00b: One of the things I’ve tried to work out of my Phish vocabulary is the term “best”, because virtually every discussion regarding Phish other than “it’s good Trey’s not on drugs anymore”, to me, involves subjectivity and the biases and preferences of the person(s) having that discussion. So I tend to go with “favorite” instead, because it properly denotes that I’m talking about something from my own personal viewpoint, with my own personal biases and preferences attached. And now, with this preamble, let me say this: 11/22/97 is my favorite Phish show of all time. I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s your favorite, too, so I guess we’re going pretty short this episode!

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[Take the Bait is spirited deliberation and/or discourse centered around the hyperbole of Phish’s music and fandom, passionately exuded via the written words of phish.net contributors @FunkyCFunkyDo and @n00b100. Opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of phish.net, The Mockingbird Foundation, or any fan… still, we're fairly confident that we're right.]

The Bait: Phish’s most recent Halloween costume, Kasvot Vaxt, or KV, was the greatest “gag” of Phish’s career. Better than any NYE “gag” set, any festival secret set, and previous Halloweens.

Funky: Full disclosure, I watched this from the couch. Begrudgingly. So begrudgingly that I was actually wearing pants. Well, for most of it anyway. The emotional journey began as soon as pictures of the Phishbill started to saturate the internet. Obscure European prog rock cover, WTAF!? Is this going to be a rave? Trancey house music or an ABBA rip off?? And where the heck is Finland??? From the get go, energy and rumor were swirling like a tornado in a washing machine around what Phish has planned. And then the internet fights started, unironically, simultaneously to the Phish fan’s uncanny CIA-level sleuthing to figure out who, or what, KV was, or is. Before the music even started, let alone the Halloween set, Phish had already created something no one expected and something no one could explain. Funny, isn’t it? Trying to explain Phish… just as Phish? And now look what they’ve done!

n00b: I suppose I’ll have to disclose that I was there (one of my two shows at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in fabulous Las Vegas, NV for 2018), and am staring at my beat-up but still perfectly legible Phishbill, replete with the ad for Phish’s “Every Goddamn Note” box set, which I wish existed if only for people to start going, “Man, Phish was way better in the 1970s before they were even a band or knew each other, you don’t even know, n00bs!” I kept puzzling over what the whole thing could possibly mean, logging on to social media to see fan theories tossed around and links to the fake Discogs page and AllMusic review (only 4 stars??? Pull your head out of your ass, Steven Thomas Erlewine!!!). And what was really great was that I knew so many other folks in the arena were doing the exact same thing, trying to wrap our heads around this mystery. Some people were pretty clued in that it was gonna be another set of original music, but some were convinced Kasvot Vaxt was a real band, or that they were going to cover already-written songs and the “titles” were just a ruse (a theory also floated for 2014’s costume, IIRC), or that the titles were rewritings of Grateful Dead songs (“Death Don’t Hurt Very Long” - uhhh, “Death Don’t Have No Mercy” much?) and we were *finally* getting that Dead set everyone was expecting after "Fare Thee Well" in 2015. Now, let me ask you this - does any of that sound better than what we actually got?

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For mms, "It is better to be small, colorful, sexy, careless, and peaceful, like the flowers..." -Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume

I went to the MGM Sports Book before the show. I had a question. An important one. "What is the largest sum of money I can bet on Phish winning the show tonight?" The attendant's raised eyebrows hinted that I was onto something, perhaps, that the other patrons knew not, "Sir, we don't bet on Cirque du Soleil here - that's only legal inside the confines of Circus Circus." I'll play your game, you rogue, thought your author, and off to Circus Circus I went, fistfuls of cash at the ready. This was a sure bet. I just knew it. This is what seperates Phish fans from the more "amateur" gambler: we know that we are always playing with house money; we know the odds are always weighted in our favor, after all, Phish remains undefeated since 1983.

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I walked off the airplane in Buffalo Thursday afternoon but my feet still hadn’t touched the ground. I floated through the terminal, down an escalator. I passed a stranger, no, a fan, there are no strangers in our little world, going up the escalator.

“See you at the Ball!” he said, and shot me two thumbs up.

“Can’t wait!” I exclaimed. Feet still hadn’t touched the ground.

From the stairs to the left of me, another fan chimes in, “Festival’s canceled, dude.”
“No it isn’t,” I replied.
“It really is though. Because of the flooding.”
“No, it isn’t,” my feet were losing altitude, “and don’t joke around about this stuff.“

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That’s not fog rolling through the San Francisco Bay, casual observer, that’s the aftermath of the inferno that swept through Bill Graham Civic Auditorium on Tuesday night. An easy mistake to make, as, perhaps, only 8,000 of us or so can tell the difference, for those of us in attendance last night might still be considered fire hazards, especially those four onstage. Don’t let the fire marshal get you.

Phish walks on stage, Trey, particularly, is all smiles. For those of us that have been around live Phish for a minute or two, Trey wears his emotions proudly and with intent when he takes the stage. His ear-to-ear smile is indicative of the set to follow, and he wastes, literally, no time as he picks up his guitar and starts riffing “46 Days” before his three bandmates settle into their battle stations. Bombs Away Trey! Fiery guitar outbursts of the Round Room tinderbox quickly relent into warped murk. Heavy, thick guitar tones slush through the jam and until the guitarist resets his tones into a final "46 Days" proper explosion. The song ends and Trey and Fish exchange laughs and smiles during a brief respite before “McGrupp and the Watchful Hosemasters.” Something must have clicked right there, as before “McGrupp” starts, Fish exclaims through his microphone, “Can we play that one again?!” Well, why not three times? I’ll try anything twice, especially that opener. Math was never my strong suit.

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