UNTIL WE DO IT AGAIN
I walked off the airplane in Buffalo Thursday afternoon but my feet still hadn’t touched the ground. I floated through the terminal, down an escalator. I passed a stranger, no, a fan, there are no strangers in our little world, going up the escalator.
“See you at the Ball!” he said, and shot me two thumbs up.
“Can’t wait!” I exclaimed. Feet still hadn’t touched the ground.
From the stairs to the left of me, another fan chimes in, “Festival’s canceled, dude.”
“No it isn’t,” I replied.
“It really is though. Because of the flooding.”
“No, it isn’t,” my feet were losing altitude, “and don’t joke around about this stuff.“
I turned the corner to baggage claim, and saw Phish shirts everywhere. Backpacks and camping gear and bright colors and the traveling menagerie that accompanies and identifies our home, no matter the city. I started to float again. I’m home – 3,000 miles away – but I’m home. But, their faces… this isn’t what home looks like. This isn’t what home feels like. The pieces are all here, but they don’t fit. I see my fiancé sitting against a wall, she wears the same expression. I recognized her, didn’t I? Where am I? She holds up her phone.
My feet hit the ground harder than an asteroid impact. My world shrunk. My home disappeared before my eyes. I was no longer floating, there was no atmosphere. What is happening?
The relativity of time is a funny thing. I’ve been to four-hour shows that were done in a minute. I’ve met friends once, but I’ve known them forever. I’ve planned and traveled and flown and driven and walked and danced for a lifetime, but the moments are gone all too soon. I’ve lived within a jam where time was infinite. I don’t know how much time passed in the Buffalo airport: 60 seconds or one minute or another lifetime, it was all the same, undiscernible. But I’d do it again. All of it.
I’d look at her face again. I’d walk down that escalator again. I’d board that airplane again. I’d pack my bags, wake up before the summer sun, and float again. I’d see my 70th show again, my 50th, and my 1st again. I’d withstand the Austin heat again. I’d sleep under my car at the Gorge again. I wouldn’t sleep at all again. I’d meet all my friends again, hug them again, and kiss my person again. I’d cry at shows again and I get goosebumps again. I’d dance again. I’d buy my first album and drive around the neighborhood for hours listening to it again. I’d sit outside my brother’s room, listening to Junta’s “Fee” through a closed door again as I wondered, “What is it about this that is calling to me?” again. Even knowing, especially knowing, what I know now, I would do it all, again.
With Phish, as with life, the journey is the destination. The home to which I earlier referred: that’s real, that exists. If you’ve been there, you know it, you are my family, and you are welcome in our home. Our home exists within the journey of Phish, no matter where they are or are not playing, no matter the date or set or venue, or no matter the destination. Close your eyes. Think of that moment for you, that moment that brings you home. You’re there. You’re home. It’s real. It exists. Yet, you aren’t at a show, you’re inside your head. You know exactly the path that takes you home. You know exactly where you’re going, and how to get there, and why you’re supposed to be there. No matter where your feet are or are not touching the ground. These are the thoughts, the reflections and echoes of reality, of home, that transcended time in the Buffalo airport. Lifetimes washed over me in no time at all, balancing the gravity which was pulling me to no place at all. I would do it again.
Phish has provided me, us, with so many journeys. No amount of words I can write will ever describe the fulfillment and nourishment and feeling of being alive that they have, and continue, to provide. That’s why we do this. There is something more to this. Our world within Phish, and hopefully our world outside of it, does not exist exclusively at show and it does not disappear when Phish is not onstage. It exists within all of us, always. When you high-five a stranger, no, a fan, wearing that shirt, he is your brother. When you give a nod to the driver with the bumper sticker, she is your sister. When you cry together in the airport, we are our family. When we dance and celebrate at a show, we are alive. And we will do it again.
Phish has provided me, all of us, with a journey that has never veered off course. It has led me to exactly where I am supposed to be. And Phish will do it again--for when you are here with me, I trust you to lead the way. And when you’re not, I follow you, and have never been led astray.
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Phish.net
The Mockingbird Foundation
My home is when I first get into the venue, any venue. I literally have a traditional salutation where I stop walking, spread my arms and proclaim “I’m finally home”. (Usually after security haha)
Thanks for this, I really needed to read this. I love this band more than anything really. You’re all my family. A lot of you are older than me, like those cool uncles or older cousins. Some of you are my age, my brothers and sisters. You have the older heads that have been on the road for decades. The grandfather figures full of wisdom.
Thank you Phish. And thank you every single one of you. Seriously
Well said, brother.
Care to share the story of why you slept UNDER your car??? Hahahah
The song infinity sucks btw . . .many many great new tunes (Wombat, Gone (2010 not so new anymore) Wingsuit Mercury Soul Planet Let Your Soul Be Free Leaves Petrichor MY PERSONAL FAVORITE and the next Guyute since Rift them LbL and then my favorite slow tunes like Wading Dont You Wanna Go Brian and Robert More Miss You Gone fits both categories Bittersweet Motel When the Circus Comes and Show of Life unterrated by far
Back to we all lie. . .one never did and that is Jesus. The only man who never told or thought a lie. A perfectly true heart. . .After all he said he was what before betrayed and decieved by us (the Judas and suicidal man that lies in all of us for money ) Cannot serve God AND money Jesus said. We about 99 % serve we actually literally bow to the stock market in our hidden minds. . .our house our cat our kids IS MOST COMMON. . we literally bow to our kids over any other idol. We all love Michael Jordan TreyAnastasio is our idol in this community. . up there with the love and worship of music in general POT is a big one. . or just drugs in general or changing our mind anything to just feel better (like Aerosmiths S Tyler said recently in a cool song) I am devoted to drugs and the irony. . i have come to hate most of them. I do not hate halucannigenics . . .I hate addictive drugs and no pot does not count.
So this is all to say when the man tries to tell you the truth. . .perhaps w bad intentions (mean or to let you down cuz deep down even Phish fans are selfish maybe more than even most cause we love drugs music and ourselves more than our kids and even more than others in general and certainly more than worship of the one and only true God (the true American Idol is Jesus) NOT Underwood or Daughtry (he didnt win nevermind lol)
So he tells you to make sure you dont drive from the airport (cause let us assume that he was being altruistic afterall we are half good half evil all of us ) So let us say he was acting on the good and told you to save you the gas money and knew you would soon hear the terrible news anyways so why not break it to you now sooner than later and buy a bunch of "got my money and my water" your supplies in vain. . . In morning packing up that gear in vain and tossing it into your carry all (the tickets the most in vain part) I dont wanna wait in vain for your 11 part love Marley is king to me. . Praise Ja Man!!!
I hope you are still loving Phish and rain for rain is still from God whether or not it ruined our communities weekend. . life in slow motion feet are back in clay going no where and that is ok. . .they will do a number 11.5 or 12 or whatever they will call it. . .i feel bad most for all the people all that hard work wasted. . I am so sorry you guys put in so much for seemingly nothing. . but from an eternal perspective that show was nothing to God. . .worship him and Trey pray for him . . .stop idolizing him and instead pray to God the Jesus the son and w the Holy Spirits help in you ask what you need not want but your needs. . .We NEED Trey to stay sober to give us a spirit gift or trey as he is on a soul kick and a water/ocean kick now would call it a soul thing. . .use not just ur soul (personality) but ur spirit if you asked for Jesus to make u a new creature and u are born again. . .otherwise prayer is talking to yourself or worse demons and so is an obvious waste of time. . .and not in the Waste song good way like listening to tunes w friends but the total waste of everything like this weekend was. . .but we still had fun driving there the excitement was real while it lasted and all life is like that Anticipation . . . antic . . .antic and then a big release at the end like sex sex sex cumming or life life life . . .heaven or hell. . we all HOPE or we just waste our life and live lives of quiet desperation sinning sinning for moments of lasting happiness missing true JOY ( a spirit gift btw and sommething only God can give u as a gift) No joy exists in 99 % of us. . only happiness and no HOPE either cause we hope only for fleeting things like a show a weekend a 3 day concert and look it didnt even happen all that HOPE this time in vain. . .I hope for unseen things that will one day be seen. . .heaven. It is so backwards to the Christian. I am a fool to the unbeliever. I am a moron idiot fill in the word of choice. But to us beleivers the Bible is not just 66 books of fairy tales but rather the WAY and the TRUTH and LIFE it is the path to heaven and right living reunited w our maker finally. . .it is the only perfect true book cause Jesus calls himself a book or rather the 66 books . . John 1:1 says he actually is this book. . strange i know but he is the WORDS themselves and he was with God as a perfect Trinity and he is and will be God and no new Gods all you mormons out there not what Isaiah says and it is a prophet written by Jesus . . .he says no gods formed before me and no new ones after. . .We will not become one 1 day love u mormons but the guys that come to ur door w uniforms on are agents of satan and dont even know they are lying to u, . .that is the best deception out there. . .SELF deceptions. . .they believe their own shit. . .ive been there so i get it. Satan is so much stronger than any human or actually 7 billion combined THAT is strong angel power. Angels are badass even after the fall of 1/3rd of them. and 100 % fall of all earth and all mankind in Adam. Even the plants now have thorns like lovely roses that never had those thorns before that day in Genesis 2 and 3
I love you all. The show must go on just not this time around
Nice Kill Devil Falls lyrical reference . . nice
Much love and peace and joy to all those let down by such a shitty weekend and sometimes it feels. . .life in general all my fault and urs all satans and all SINs . . .but that does not make us feel any better to know that we all share in the blame. . .and no GOD is not to blame for making rain. . .u may love music and even NEED it. . .but we require rain and the planet requires water on a level so much higher lol
It is up there w Naked and Afraid . . shelter food fire and WHAT? So dont blame God for making Weather or even natural disasters. . .There were none before the fall in the garden. . . The flood the fire from heaven at the end of all time . . both and all the earthquakes the tsunamis tornadoes hurricaines lava fire spreading in California right now is just a result of a curse that was set in motion 6 to 10 thousand yrs ago (NOT 56 billion that is a silly lie perpetuated on us all in Darwin and a few others after) It is like a wind up car. . .u wind it up w sin and now of course it has to move forward when u place it on solid str8 ground below. Like the annoying character in Matrix 2 . . .it is just Cause and Effect. . .We sin we fucked up and now we have 2 big ones and 100s of small ones like weather. The 2 big u know we all know for women pain in childbirth and cramps of periods in between and they bitch way more now than eve did to adam prior . . we used to love selflessly. . .now we love but w passion and w fear and w greed mixed in. . .mostly greed and self self self preservation.
For men. . .the earth will fight u God basically says in a paraphrase. . .u will toil and sweat and it sucks like methadone and suboxone detox combined. . Not that bad but up there at times . . .try landscaping in 100 degree MD humidity it sucks and it is all my fault for i died in adam
I am hoping for 50 t0 100 dislikes. . .they fuel my passion for human hearts to change. That is love . . .spit on on a cross and say father please forgive them. . .these creatures we made dont know what they are doing
Finding out Curveball was cancelled 35 minutes away while on hour 7 of driving on 3 hours of sleep was an absolutely soul crushing moment that still hurts and will haunt me forever.
Would not do that again.
Maybe I misunderstood your point.
Made me smile.
Cuddly but deadly