I Always Wanted It This Way

• Performances
• History
• Lyrics
• Jam Chart
• Artist
  • Phish
  • Fish
  • Mike
  • Page
  • Trey
  • All

Originally Performed By	Phish
Appears On
Music/Lyrics	McConnell
Vocals	Page
Phish Debut	2016-10-15
Last Played	2025-06-24
Current Gap	17
Historian	TypeIIIJPD
Last Update	2025-07-14

History

When news dropped that Phish was releasing a new album called Big Boat, hopes were high that we would get to hear studio versions of many of the crop of newer songs that had debuted in recent years as well as the requisite slate of never before performed songs which would inevitably be included. This would be the band’s 13th album and notably the first one since Fuego which found fans divided about the manner in which it had debuted, namely as the Halloween “costume” on 10/31/2013 in Atlantic City. While most grew to appreciate the crop of songs from Fuego, many were still wary about what was to come with this next album.

Not including the songs from Chilling, Thrilling Sounds of the Haunted House which debuted as the magnificent Halloween costume on 10/31/2014, since the release of Fuego there had been thirteen Phish songs debuted which could conceivably have been included on this new album. Knowing that it would likely include some of these and perhaps others spurred interest so when the track listings for Big Boat were released there was a good bit of familiarity considering eight songs were ones everyone had heard before with five brand new songs mixed in for good measure. For the first time ever, Page McConnell had three songs credited to him on the album including two brand new songs in “Home” and “I Always Wanted It This Way” (the third, “Things People Do” was one of a crop of nine songs debuted during the Summer 2016 Tour). These three Page penned songs are diverse in style, as happens with Phish of course, but once the album was released it was revealed that one in particular would represent a new direction for Phish’s music.

That divergence of form comes late in the album with “I Always Wanted It This Way” introducing the layered synthesizers and looped electronics now affectionately known as “Pagetronica” to certain segments of the fanbase. Nestled between the emotional weight of “Miss You” and the positivity of “More”, the song shines brightly as an anthem of sorts. Counterbalancing the upbeat dance vibe of the music, the lyrics are introspective and reflective. Page appears self-referential here, recognizing that the benefit of time allows one to acknowledge that they may not have had all of the answers they once thought they did. As with most Phish songs, the lyrics are left to the interpretation of the listener but it is notable that (similar to “Bouncing Around The Room”) the live performances of the song have a key alteration to the lyrics from the studio version. On the album, Page sings “As I found out that I had a lot to learn” while live he has always sung it as ”It turns out that I had a lot to learn”. This speaks to the introspection of the narrator in making it less of an external observation with this small change. 

Musically, “I Always Wanted It This Way” generally follows the same pattern with each performance. The composed song and verses build and swell, giving way to a jam steadied by Fishman’s almost metronomic playing. Over this Trey and Page explore various synthesized tones with Mike adding flourish when the moment allows. The main alterations to this format are generally in terms of the length of time they spend exploring this electronic playground as they stay firmly within the overall structure of the song. The most notable departure from form for the song was on 2/21/2019 at Riveria Maya where “I Always Wanted It This Way” became the set-carrying vehicle it appeared it never would. 

Phish ”I Always Wanted It This Way” – 02/21/2019, Riviera Maya, Quintana Roo, Mexico. Video by Phish

Following its debut, “I Always Wanted It This Way” has been performed semi-regularly, appearing a few times each year. Even without significant musical variation in its form, Phish has explored how and when to use this song since it doesn’t fit a normal template role like some songs do as opener, closer, or set-carrying jam vehicle. Early versions often found Trey moving over to the marimba lumina to add even more electronic sound to the cacophony while versions in subsequent years often allowed for a relevant tease to be introduced. For a while, it seemed like the band wasn’t fully sure what to do with the song as it often showed up late in 2nd sets after the bulk of the open improvisation had concluded for the evening, sometimes seeming to be an afterthought rather than a focal point in the set. Excepting a few versions, the song has stayed as a 2nd set number, however, and recent performances seem to indicate Phish is now fully comfortable giving the song more space to breathe.

As mentioned above, the version from 2/21/2019 is the gold standard for full band exploration as it stretches to almost twice the length of any other version of the song with several ideas shared and built upon throughout its twenty-two minute journey. Other notable versions include 10/24/16 (the first of three straight versions where Trey played on marimba lumina for sections of the jam), 10/29/2021 and 12/30/2022 (big set closing versions), 7/15/2023 (extended groove that bridges between Golden Age and a return to the Tweezer that preceded), and 10/07/2023 (late set energy burst in the apparent 2000th show of the band’s history) which can be viewed below.

Phish ”I Always Wanted It This Way” – 10/07/2023, Nashville, TN. Video by Phish

Last significant update: 12/20/23

Submit notes/corrections