12/31/23 was a hugely cathartic night. Not just for me, of course. The euphoria was audibly palpable at the beginning of Harpua and at the revelation that, yes, they were indeed going to play Gamehendge. I'm a 1.0 kid who grew up idolizing college-aged camp counselors at sleep away camp who were playing A Live One on the bunk stereo, and was pulled into the "secret club" feeling of being a Phish fan through tape trading and posting on the weird corner of the early internet era that was rec.music.phish. Getting your hands on Trey's senior thesis or one of the few live performances of Gamehendge and learning it inside out made you feel even more like you were part of this weird, distinct, but awesome thing separate from pop culture and prying eyes and public knowledge. And that made being part of the Phish community feel even more special.

In 27 years of seeing Phish shows, I never entertained the possibility of seeing a performance of Gamehendge. It didn't even make my wishlist, because to wish for it seemed preposterous. Better keep white whales limited to individual songs. Chasing the Harpuas, Forbins, and Icculi of the Phish canon is difficult enough - and special enough when you see them.

In 27 years of seeing Phish shows, the two songs I've wanted to catch more than anything have been Harpua and Forbin's>Mockingbird. I've had too many close calls, near misses, and twists of fate. In Summer '03, I eagerly awaited a four-show run to Camden and IT and was gutted watching the setlist to 7/29/03 roll in (it featured Harpua and several other bustouts). In Summer '09, the one show I attended was a rather dreadful one at Merriweather, which was sandwiched between a Hartford show with an Icculus to remember and a SPAC show with Harpua.

And worst of all, after five glorious shows at the Baker's Dozen, exhausted and about to start a new job on July 31, 2017, I sold a ticket below face value to Jimmies Night on July 30, where I would have seen Harpua and Forbin's in one fell swoop - what would have been the perfect exclamation point to one of the finer stretches of shows I've experienced in 27 years.

I hadn't forgiven myself for Jimmies night. It was one of those defining FOMO experiences you talk to your therapist about (and by "you," I mean "I talked to my therapist" about it). I'd tried making peace with the fact I'd probably never see these songs. And look, there's part of me that recognizes that's perfectly fine. We've all seen tons of great shows, legendary ones even, with plenty of songs from our wishlists. I'm no exception.

But many of us still hold out hope for those white whales, don't we? It's why Gamehendge got the reaction it did. It's why countless people were elated to see their first Harpua and Forbin's. 12/31/23 relieved me of the burden of the chase once and for all. Though I am grateful for having attended that show for a multitude of reasons (just as I am grateful for being a Phish fan for a multitude of reasons), the catharsis that came with seeing Harpua and Forbin's for the first time is the greatest gift the band could have given me. There's no more what-ifs or close calls in my Phish experience anymore. What a feeling.