Although I knew well of Greg’s struggle, I was under the impression that he was on the mend. Last I spoke with him he had finished treatments and kicked it. As John mentioned, his plan was to attend KC with us, though that didn’t come to fruition because he was still feeling quite under the weather. It wasn’t until Saturday that I learned of his passing, and how it came to be.

I’m devastated. I have known Greg for about 11 years now. We met via an online IRC chat put on by the Phunky Bitches. John mentioned geography and proximity never being an issue for Greg; it certainly wasn’t for us, and our friendship.

Over recent years Greg and I spoke daily (sometimes more than once) on the phone. He was a constant, stable rock in my life. When everything seemed to be falling to the wayside, Greg was always there to lend an ear, despite what was going on in his life. I’m embarrassed to say that these moments of weakness and heartache were frequent for me, especially whilst trucking my way through a divorce. He never sugarcoated anything, and would quickly put me in my place if he thought I was being too dramatic over an issue. He had very little tolerance for bullshit, but somehow it never came across in any other way but lovingkindness.

Like John, Greg secured a couple of all-access passes to Rothbury for us, via his sister Melanie. It was quite last minute that I found myself hopping in the car from Chicago and heading to Rothbury to meet up with Greg. I got there late when everyone was already parked, and Greg came strolling up to the front gate with tickets in hand, all smiles. We spent that time seeing great music, and bonding some more face-to-face, as opposed to our usual phone conversations. At some point we realized that the tickets were in fact ALL-ACCESS passes; which allowed us access behind the stages, drinks, lounges and clean bathrooms. We really wish we would have realized that sooner! Josh & Sam, when you get a little older, you’ll have to get in touch with me so I can tell you a funny story from this weekend!

Greg loved music. All kinds. Though he had favorite genres, a specific genre was not a requirement for Greg to find the talent within. Within the past year he spoke of going to see a concert with one of his sons (maybe Josh, maybe Sam, maybe both?) and he was SO excited to chat my ear off about his experience there; being turned onto a band by his children. And that’s the thing: he was ALWAYS like that, with everything! If he found something remarkable, he HAD to share it; and when he did, he could barely contain himself as it spewed out of him.

With music so readily available via the internet these days, there really isn’t much of a need to go out and buy albums. Though, every now and then someone puts out an album that can be listened to all the way through, without skipping through the mediocre songs. I probably bought one of these a year, ALL recommended by Greg. He did not disappoint.

The most recent album he recommended was Paul Simon’s ‘So Beautiful or So What’, which Greg declared Simon’s capstone – outshining all other albums. I recall him being particularly enthralled by the fact that the songs that were lyrically “happy,” were “sad” in melody, and vice versa. I LOVED this album immediately (and encourage you to go out and buy it!), as Greg knew I would. I burned copies for everyone I know!

Coincidentally, one of my favorite songs on the album, ‘The Afterlife’ is quite fitting now, and I find myself listening to it over-and-over, thinking of Greg. The song is upbeat and perky. It is about the afterlife, and at points is quite beautiful and a little goofy, too. I’m going to go ahead and cut and paste the lyrics…

"After I died, and the make up had dried, I went back to my place
No moon that night, but a heavenly light shone on my face
Still I thought it was odd, there was no sign of God just to usher me in
Then a voice from above, sugar coated with Love, said, "Let us begin"

You got to fill out a form first, and then you wait in the line.
You got to fill out a form first, and then you wait in the line.

OK, new kid in school, got to follow the rule, you got to learn the routine
Woah, there's a girl over there, with the sunshiny hair, like a homecomin' queen
I said, "Hey, what you say? It's a glorious day, by the way how long you been dead?"
Maybe you, maybe me, maybe baby makes three, but she just shook her head...

You got to fill out a form first, and then you wait in the line.
You got to fill out a form first, and then you wait in the line.

Buddha and Moses and all the noses from narrow to flat
Had to stand in the line, just to glimpse the divine, what you think about that?
Well it seems like our fate to suffer and wait for the knowledge we seek
It's all his design, no one cuts in the line, no one here likes a sneak

You got to fill out a form first, and then you wait in the line.
You got to fill out a form first, and then you wait in the line.

After you climb, up the ladder of time, the Lord God is near
Face to face, in the vastness of space, your words disappear
And you feel like swimming in an ocean of love, and the current is strong
But all that remains when you try to explain is a fragment of song...

Lord is it, Be Bop A Lu La or Ooh Poppa Do
Lord, Be Bop A Lu La or Ooh Poppa Do
Be Bop A Lu La"

Listening to this song and thinking about Greg, makes me happy. I’ve been crying a lot of the past couple of days, and I’m happy to say that not all of it has been tears of sadness. I’ve found comfort in music Greg turned me on to. I can’t help but listen to this song, this album and others and reflect on how MUCH he INSISTED I get them into my rotation. So passionate!

I’m rambling.

I feel selfish, but I’m so sad that I’ll never hear his voice again. I can hear him in my head, clear as day, though. And his laugh…I don’t imagine I’ll forget that. His crass comments peppered throughout a conversation (or at the very least, closing out a conversation), never made for a dull moment, and ALWAYS had me laughing regardless of what was going on in our lives. I will miss our conversations. I will miss his insight. Wisdom. Oh and the goofy stuff he’d stay at the most ridiculous and inappropriate times – the stuff I wanted to slap him for saying – I’ll miss that most of all.

Greg is the first REAL friend that I’ve lost over the years. The first person that I’ve shared a lifelong bond with. I’ve lost family members and acquaintences in the past, but it’s so – obviously – not the same. It’s a really special thing when two people can connect and share this kind of awe-inspiring bond mostly via phone calls and the internet. To have someone you’ve spent a handful of days with, but still, the both of you regularly go out of your way for the other…that’s somethin’ else. And believe me, I wasn’t the only one that shared this with him - from out East, to down in Texas, to California and all points in between.

I’m not feeling incredibly articulate right now. I guess I’m still in the place where I’m quite sad and angry. I’m sad I never got to say goodbye. I’m just sad.

The world lost a really special individual…and too soon.

I love you, Greg. xoxox