"The whole rail in front of me consisted of middle-aged dudes caught in a loop of trying to film and livestream the set instead of just enjoying the concert from an amazing proximity to the band."

Perhaps that's how they just enjoy being in an amazing proximity to the band? Or was it more a knock on their age?

"I finally turned to one of them and yelled..."

Fuck. I would hate to be yelled at during a show.

"the ol’-bro-in-a-fleece-vest-and-expensive-watch shimmy..."

I'll be sure to check the dress code and dance requirements at Rosemont to make sure I don't offend anyone's sensibilities with my chosen attire.