FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
“Fire On the Mountain” Tease Removed from Phish.net Setlist File
The Judge Decreed It, The Clerk He Wrote It
NEW YORK, NY, April 1, 2014 – In a surprise ruling that sent shockwaves throughout the Phish community, phish.net Tease Tsar Scott Marks has removed the “Fire On the Mountain” tease from the 12/31/95 “Drowned.”
“It was always a jamakinto, at best” said Marks, who exercised his omnipotence in all matters tease-related to override the established consensus. “This ‘tease’ was never solid, and if anything, it was a precursor of ‘Meatstick’, but it’s really just improvisational musicians jamming in the moment. Not everything is a ‘tease,’ brah.”
“We’ve collectively come to our senses; our long national nightmare is finally over” said phish.net senior editor Phillip Zerbo. “This ‘tease’ was always just a pet project of Charlie Dirksen, and despite his deafness and terrible pitch, people listened to him. Those days are now in the past, and we can move forward into a Brave New World.”
Dirksen was unavailable for comment at press time, but was heard to be muttering that he would “sue those deaf asshats back to the stone-age.”
“We considered Dirksen’s range of potential responses carefully,” said Marks. “His first response will be a lawsuit, of course. But as the President of The Mockingbird Foundation he would, in essence, be suing himself, a conflict of interest even his brilliant legal mind could not possibly overcome. We’re clear. It’s done. Finally!”
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February 26, 1997
20 years ago
Encore: Highway to Hell
 Heavy metal outro.
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