TREY: Ahhh... I can see it all. I can see it all. Like it was yesterday or something, ya know? It's like it was a dream. It was real. It wasn't a dream. Thinking back on it, ya know. It's like I can almost smell it. The whole scene... the trees, the woods.
It's almost scary. It's clear. It's in my mind. Thinking back about the whole thing, like it was almost yesterday. And, I mean, the sounds, ya know, the sounds of the whole... the whole thing taking place, ya know. I mean, I can kind of remember it, Just off in the distance, the first time I saw him. All that time back then, the first time I saw him, and his mangy little dog walking towards me.
I can remember it now. I'm kind of sitting there in the woods and suddenly I hear this strange kind of 'clumpfing' sound coming off in the distance. "Uhhh" [makes sound]. Because, I don't know if any of you know, but he had only one leg, this old guy. He had one leg, and it was in kind of a wooden stump that used to come on, that sound.
I can remember just the sound of the thump and the wooden leg landing on the ground as he walked towards me across this thing here, and... the thumping and the clicking and the wooden leg. And then there was that ugly dog, ya know with the hips, standing next to him, and he had that strange spring mechanism on his hip that the dog used to walk on...
Oh, and the sounds of the two of them coming through the forest. And then, there was that other foot that he used to drag behind him. He used to drag that other foot behind him. The two of them walking towards me in the distance and the dog. Then, there was that bet. I don't know if you guys knew about the bet. That, that horrible bet that he lost that year in the bar. He was sitting in the bar and he made that bet. They had to strap that huge piano onto his back and spend the rest of his life with a piano.
So you hear the thumping of his leg and the wood clicking on the ground and then that… [imitating piano] piano smashing on the ground that he used to drag, chained all over his shoulders. Then... ah, I can remember it now, the sounds. It's bringing me right back. That, that submarine that started to float by in the distance, as they walked towards me the... the submarine. It was the strangest scene: the submarine floating by and the leg, the wooden leg; the piano dragging; the, the dog clumping along. Harpua and his master, I can't even stand to think about it. Just make it stop! Ahh, God, it's too much.
Ya know, thank God all this was happening up in the woods, but then I remember later on that day, ya know, trying to get away from it all. I went over to visit my friend, Jimmy. So, I went down the street and knocked on Jimmy's door and opened the door and went into his house, and there's Jimmy, ya know, doing what he normally likes to do. He's sitting in front of the t.v. flicking the flicker. Actually, this particular day, he wasn't flicking the flicker. I think he had a, he ha a video in. Beverly Hills Cop, I think maybe something, something like that... just kind of remember by the sound of the whole thing.
[Page teasing "Axel F"] That's right. That's what it was, yes, Beverly Hills Cop. He was sitting there watching that and I came over. I walked in. I said, "Jimmy," [Page and Fish and Mike teasing "Axel F"]
I said, "Jimmy, I can't believe you're watching this stupid movie again. I mean, every time I come over here, you're watching Beverly Hills Cop. Turn it off! Just, turn it off!" And so he turned it off. I remember, I remember flicking through his album collection that day, Jimmy and I, sitting around doing what we did, just a Saturday afternoon sitting around the house, flicking through his album. I remember pulling out this one old album that I hadn't heard in a long time.
[Full band "She's So Cold" tease]
So, we're sitting in the room there, listening to this album that we hadn't heard in such a long time, and everything's great and hunky dory. So we're sitting there on the couch and at one point I remember... he walked in, he walked into the room... pitter-pattering along on the ground and, sort of like, time stopped. Because, Jimmy was kind of a different guy. Jimmy had this thing. It was his cat. This cat came in, and this cat came and sat next to him. When this cat used to come into the room, I just remember Jimmy, he'd be gone. He'd be looking down at this cat with love in his eyes and he'd start... petting the cat...
"I love you so much," he'd say...look down at this cat and say, "You're my, you're my life. You're my wife. You're my life. You're everything to me. I love you so much! Oh [Purring & Moaning] pick up this cat. Oh, oh, my God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh… POSTER NUTBAG! You beautiful cat! Poster Nutbag, Poster Nutbag, Poster Nutbag, Poster Nutbag, Poster Nutbag, Poster Nutbag. Poster Nutbag, I don't know what I'd do without you. You're everything to me. I love you so much."
I remember, I remember, thinking back now. I remember as Jimmy was petting Poster Nutbag and looking at Poster Nutbag with love in his eyes, I remember at one point thinking it was kind of hot in the room, and I went over to the window and I opened up the window. Out of window came this sound coming towards me. [Trey Makes slamming sound] I slammed the window. I didn't know what it was, but I didn't like it.
I looked over to my right. It was too late. Jimmy had the door open. He was letting Poster Nutbag go out for a walk. He shut the door. I knew something was terribly wrong. Poster Nutbag walked out into the street thinking everything was just like a normal day. Suddenly, he started to hear it. He looked around with his little cat eyes. He didn't know what the sound was, but he knew it was coming over from this direction. As he stood there, it started to get louder... and louder and a little bit faster and closer.
He looked up, and Poster Nutbag saw it coming towards him. He saw the old man limping with the wooden leg and the submarine floating around over his head, the piano dragging behind the old man's back, and he saw the dog. He saw Harpua, the evil dog, coming towards him, and he was so mesmerized by the sound. He looked up at the dog and suddenly knew there was gonna be a terrible fight.
Poster Nutbag started coming towards Harpua. Harpua started coming towards Poster Nutbag. They were coming towards each other. They were looking at each other. Poster Nutbag coiled his body into a deadly arch! The fight was about to begin! Harpua let an ugly drop of saliva drip onto the ground! It was too late to run! Oh my God!
Look, the storm's gone...
Phish.net is a non-commercial project run by Phish fans and for Phish fans under the auspices of the all-volunteer, non-profit Mockingbird Foundation.
This project serves to compile, preserve, and protect encyclopedic information about Phish and their music.
The Mockingbird Foundation is a non-profit organization founded by Phish fans in 1996 to generate charitable proceeds from the Phish community.
And since we're entirely volunteer – with no office, salaries, or paid staff – administrative costs are less than 2% of revenues! So far, we've distributed just about $1,500,000 to support music education for children – hundreds of grants in all 50 states, with more on the way.