TREY: Now, come with us if you will. Far over the ocean, out of Colorado, out of the Rockies, past the East Coast, floating above the clouds, slowly out over the Atlantic Ocean. Flying far above the ocean, ahead of you, you see the Emerald Isle. Ladies and gentlemen, you’re flying along and there are the cliffs of Dover. Somewhere, up above the cliffs of Dover, there lived an evil little man. He lived on top of the cliffs of Dover, and he always wanted to be a bagpipe player. But, he was very terrible at the bagpipes so he got meaner and meaner and uglier and uglier, growing this awful filth on top of his face, sticking out everywhere. Everywhere he went, he took his evil, mangy dog. As he approached, you could hear the awful sounds of his terrible bagpipe playing.
FISH: [begins playing bagpipes] I’ve got to whet my reed! [continues playing]
TREY: So there he was, this evil little man, playing the terrible bagpipes in the distance, and he had with him this evil little dog. The worse he got at the bagpipes, the more he realized he would never be good at the bagpipe player, the meaner he got and the more evil the dog got with him. The dog was named Harpua. [Fish still playing bagpipes]
So everyday this ugly little man would go walking across the cliffs of Dover with his evil dog Harpua, and they would go looking for some action. Harpua was a very mean dog: he liked to eat little furry creatures for lunch. So on this one particular day... [Fish playing bagpipes] Get out of here, get outta here. Let’s get rid of the guy, the evil little bagpipe player. So anyway on this particular day, his mean little dog Harpua decided to go wandering off and leave the little man far behind. He went away from the cliffs of Dover, down into a little village in Ireland, a little winding road that went down the hill, past the little farmhouse on the left. He got down and saw the people sitting in the pub, drinking their pints and doing what they do.
Until finally, he came down to this one house, where this young boy lived, and that boy, that boy was named… Jimmy! [Trey rips into a tease of “Fire”] So Jimmy was sitting in his room, and little did Jimmy know that the evil Harpua was walking around the cobblestone streets outside. Jimmy was sitting on his couch playing his guitar, petting his little cat that he loved so much.
And he sat there and he petted the cat and looked down at it and he said “Oh, oh you are such a beautiful little furry creature. I love you so much. (panting)… I love you so much and that’s why I named you POSTER NUTBAG!’
So he sat there and he petted Poster Nutbag, his beautiful little cat. And, at this point and time, Poster Nutbag decided to go for a little walk. So Jimmy opened up the door and Poster Nutbag wandered out in the cobblestone Irish streets, past the little pub, minding his own business, when suddenly he rounded the corner and came face to face with the evil Harpua. He looked Harpua deep in the eye. And Harpua looked Poster Nutbag deep in the eye. Harpua, deep in the eye. Nutbag, deep in the eye. Harupa, deep. Nutbag, eye. Deeper the [yelling] eye.
Oh there is going to be a horrible fight. Poster Nutbag coiled his body into a deadly arch. And Harpua let a drop of hungry salvia drip to the ground.
Look, the storm’s gone...
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