TREY: We just want to thank you all for that world record we broke before. Thank you, it was very exciting to be a part of… You know, we’ve been trying to break a world record for a long time now. As a matter of fact, at the Great Went last year, some of you might remember we had the world’s largest nude photoshoot of all time. Some of you might have been naked at the Great Went. I was naked at the Great Went, but only in the backstage area where nobody could see. I did not take part in the Spencer Tunic photo shoot. But, we did have some meetings backstage after the Meatstick, and I want you to know that the Meatstick was documented on film and is being sent to Guinness. The chances are very good that all of you will have your picture in the Guinness Book of World Records. That was the biggest group dance ever in the history of the planet! Very cool, time for the Meatstick.
Right now, we’re also going to break a second world record, thinking it was cool to break two world records in one night, we’ll now break the record for the longest vamp on one chord, ever, by a band. The chord is E, that we’re playing. The chord is E. It’ll take three or four hours, so everybody just relax.
Actually, I will move on, we’ll move on with the show, and I do want to say that it’s very exciting to be a part of the Guinness Book of World Records. I’ve always wanted to be in that book, and you know, you should never really overlook the knowledge that you can take form certain books. I think people are too hard up on fucking TV, man. Stop watching so much damn TV, alright! And read a book once in a while!
You all know what I’m talking about? I mean, I think that we have 295 channels on the bus, we have the moving cable on the bus, but I just think that it’s important in this day and age, with the computer and the TV and everything, that you should stop watching so much damn TV and read the fucking book, is what I think you should do. Because, it’s a good book. Not just any book, you know, there are some books that have a little, you know, something to really say.
I think there’s one book in particular that we’re all talking about, you know. But what I’m talking about, that book is of course by Danielle Steel. The new Danielle Steel book. No really, it’s the Helping Friendly Book, and I think you should all read it. You should read the book, you should stop watching TV, and you should stop listening to that evil heavy metal music. Except Deep Purple! The best heavy metal band of all time, everybody loved Deep Purple, man, because Deep Purple played some good shit. But, read the book, okay? Read it. Read it! Read it! Read it! [“Smoke on the Water” begins] Read the book! Read it! Read the book. Read the book. It’s got a lot of good stuff at the end. A lot of good stuff in that book.
[Sings first verse of “Smoke on the Water”]
No, what I’m telling you is, if you do get the book and read it, the book has a lot of tidbits of knowledge. Life can be a little confusing sometimes, and a tidbit of knowledge is a good thing to have when you’re on the run there. And, I’ll tell you one of the tidbits that you might find in the Helping Friendly Book is that “Smoke on the Water” and “Cat Scratch Fever” are the same fucking song. Chapter Three! [Sings “Cat Scratch Fever” over “Smoke on the Water”]
If you go to chapter six, you’ll see that, despite being the same song, “Smoke on the Water” is a better song than “Cat Scratch Fever.” So read it. You won’t find it in a Barnes and Noble, but I do think you should read it. If you do go to Barnes and Noble, and they’ve got that little computer hooked up, you can just go ask for it by author. Just ask for it by author. It’s probably not listed under title, so it’s under I, of course. Just go up to the little guy with the computer at Barnes and Noble, and just say that you want the book that was [“Cat Scratch Fever”] [unintelligible] So just go up and tell them that the book that you’re looking for was…
[“Icculus” begins in earnest]
Just tell them, tell them that you’re looking for a specific book. You got to avoid that magazine section, too, at Barnes and Noble. It’s a very big magazine section, but I’d just advise that you keep away from the magazine section and go right to the little guy with the computer. Tell him you’re looking for a book that you’ve been looking for a long time. You’ve tried lots of bookstores, but Amazon.com didn’t have it. It hasn’t reached the internet. Just go up and say that it was...
TREY: [without instrumental backing] Thank you very much, thank you. That’s Page McConnell on the keyboards on that last number, Icculus. Icculus was performed by Gack Toidler on the bass. Mike Gack Toidler. That was Icculus, the last number was a little number we call Icculus. The G is soft and that is Michael Gordon [i.e. Jordan] on the bass, ladies and gentlemen.Thank you, and the last number was called Icculus, and Icculus was performed by Bad Lieutenant on guitar. That last number was called Icculus and Icculus was performed by Vagonna on drums, ladies and gentlemen. Vagonna Fishman on drums, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. The sound was brought to you by Paul Languedoc at the soundboard, ladies and gentlemen. Icculus, brought to you by Paul Languedoc at the soundboard. And of course the light show was run by -- that last number was Icculus. The light show was run by Chris Kuroda, CK5, on the lightboard, Icculus. Thank you. That was a number from our first album, Junta. Thank you.
FISH:Management by John Paluska.
TREY: Thank you, Icculus, ladies and gentlemen. Icculus was the last number that we played, thank you very much. And that was by request. Might I say that that is the most requested song that I received backstage, so that one was for you. Icculus, people. If you can excuse us for a minute, we’re going to mill about aimlessly and decide what we’re going to play next, because we really don’t know. I’m being honest. Mike and Fishman will “give you a what the hell are we going to play next” riff while we pace around the stage asking each other what we want to play.
FISH:I have to pee.
TREY: Okay, we’ve paced around aimlessly, and we’ve discussed what the next song is going to be. We now know what the next song is going to be. And, the next song is a request by our bass player, Michael Gordon, ladies and gentlemen. It’s a cover by Bob Dylan, and it’s for you...
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